and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
