remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
