my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
