Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
