UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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