we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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