I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I faked an abortion last night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
