here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
