Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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