the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
