I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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