had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
