I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Girls should come with a carfax report
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
