So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
