In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
