yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
