So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
