There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
