just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
