I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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