I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
