His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
