My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
