Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So many bounce houses so little time
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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