hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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