Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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