Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
