I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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