Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
