addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
