it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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