My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
