two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
