You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this boner is exhausting
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
