so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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