I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
