You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
