apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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