I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
