well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
