people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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