Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
