I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
