Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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