So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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