Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
