He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
