yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
