Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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