Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
