Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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