I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
