Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
