this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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