No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
